There she comes

The last blog in my series seems to be jinxed in many ways, I have tried and tried but there wasn't a way to speed it up. Meanwhile, my daughter is soon turning 2 (forget the year 1 deadline) ; several of my friends got pregnant and delivered babies and life on Mars was discovered – maybe!  As all mothers - new or old or anywhere in between my world too revolves around my baby, I may not know who won the elections in Greece but I can tell you what my kid is saying in her toddler tongue and trust me no Intelligence agency in the world can translate toddler tongue.

Going back to my story, I was in the 39^th week of my pregnancy and my Doctor had ditched me. My case was referred to another renowned Doctor (3rd Doc and thankfully the last). This Doctor accepted my “complicated” case and on our first interaction laid rest to all my fears and anxieties. There are some people who make you feel at ease in an instant and she is definitely one of them ( basically the exact opposite of Mr. Glum Face in my previous post)

There was small dispute on the estimated delivery date, with Doc3 suggesting that it was possibly later than what had been calculated. We fixed an appointment for the following week and in the meantime I was asked to I undergo one last series of tests and scans which confirmed that all was fine with baby and me.

As I was gearing up for the big day mentally and though the tests and the experienced Doc3 said my baby was 3 weeks away, I had a nagging feeling that I will deliver the same week, most likely on 27^th  July ( Don’t ask me how I was so sure about the date but looking back I would probably call it mother’s instinct). I contacted Doc3 and she just laughed it away, saying that was just a feeling of mine ( blame the pregnant woman's hormones! )

Anyhow, on the day of the appointment I started feeling contraction kind of pain, after a check-up the Doctor declared that these were just false pains, my body was making me ready for the baby’s arrival. The entire day my family kept my spirits high by repeating “False pains equals No pains”. My parents had vowed to visit our family Deity in case my reports came back normal and reassured by Doc3’s prognosis, embarked on a 2 day, 1 night holy journey. My husband came over from Chennai again to give me company while they were away.

The entire day I was in a lot of pain, as I laid on my bed at night, I was thinking that if false pains could be these painful, how excruciating would the actual labor pains be? It was at exactly this trail of thought that my water broke and I was up and asking hubby to drive me to the hospital.

So, what happens when you were not expecting the baby to come early? Well, if you are anything like my husband, you would probably want to make sure that the water actually broke, you would fumble to collect your things and would probably drive like crazy to reach the hospital.

And if you are like me, you would grab the bag you had packed when that baby is on the way feeling started, take a deep breath to calm yourself, try to time your contractions and probably remind people what they would need in the hospital. I maybe sounding brave, but trust me in those moments I was wishing if my mum was around, that everything will be anything but the horrific birth stories that I had heard.

As we reached the hospital, I was not treated as priority as it was a “Primie” which means first pregnancy which statistically means hours and hours of labor, but I certainly grabbed attention when they examined me, I was already into advanced labor.

Memories of the next couple of hours are a blur but by the end of it, I had a tiny baby staring at me with those beautiful big eyes, I had become a mother and there she was, the baby who had created so much upheaval in my life, she owned me from the moment I saw her on the scan 9 months ago and she will probably own my life till eternity.

In my entire journey nothing went the way I expected, there were lots and lots of lows, but the high was when I knew she will come ( she was born on July 27th) , when I knew that we could share the bond transcending medicinal laws and statistics.She came and she conquered our hearts.

I have come to a conclusion that medicine is grey area, though there are instruments to read your Blood Pressure, Scans to see your baby, no one can predict when a child will be born with 100% accuracy. 

First child birth maybe a long process but it’s not same for all women, there can be faster deliveries and for a change I am happy to be part of that exceptional statistic.

I have also understood that nature takes it course, your body knows how to take care of your child,  find a Doctor who reinforces this view, don’t fall prey to C- Section hungry doctors, it’s a massive surgery and should be avoided, it shouldn't be encouraged.

It always helps to take 2^nd, 3^rd or even 4^th opinions.

Keep your family close, and lastly trust your instincts.

Now, I need to get back to my little monster, my life. 

Thanks for all your feedback, somehow sharing my story has made me appreciate the journey even more. I am thankful for my little angel ( occasional devil), and my family and friends. 

-Deepa

End of the world - Living in a bubble of calm

When I started this blog, I thought I could finish telling my story in a span of few months but I have to admit I grossly underestimated the time required for my mommy duties, my daughter will be turning one soon, and that’s the revised deadline for completing my blog. I only have one more part to go which I think can be done but you never know, here goes the penultimate part though.

They say change is the only constant, as I entered 38^th week of my pregnancy I was expecting everything to be on track, I had undergone quite an intensive treatment and was resting as ordered by my doctor. I was reading anything I could on pregnancy and child birth and had started putting together my hospital bag, made a list of things needed for a new born etc.

On one of my regular check-ups my doctor in Bangalore suggested that I take steroids for my baby’s lung development, she made it sound very casual and routine, and I went ahead with the injections. Should I have raised eyebrows? I wonder.

Later in the same week, my doc asked me to undergo another scan just to make sure that everything is really fine, she insisted that we get it done at the hospital she attends so she could also witness the scan along with us. Was it really required? I wonder.

So, on the designated day, I went out of my comfort-zone to get a scan done by a Radiologist new to me and you know the there are certain people whom you instinctively mistrust, well he was one of them, as soon as I entered the room I could sense something wrong but brushing aside my concerns, I put on a brave face and hoped for a sign that yes it was all good. Should I have trusted my instincts? I wonder.

Anyway, the scan was performed and my doc also peeped in, unlike my regular radiologist who would talk me through the scan, Mr. Glum Face didn't even make an eye contact, it was decided that the so called “Fluid” problem had recurred and as I result there was IUGR i.e. Intra Uterine Growth Retardation, basically telling me that while I felt everything was fine, it was in reality the exact opposite, my baby was growing abnormally and we had to act fast, a C- Section was a must to take my baby out of inhospitable conditions. The scan was performed on Friday July 12^th and my C-Section was scheduled for Monday July 15^th. That was the moment my world came crashing down, the one time in my pregnancy where I lost hope and wished I could somehow ensure that my baby continued to grow the way they should. Should I have insisted on participating in the scan? I wonder.

In the meanwhile my husband drove down from Chennai and lets just say troops were gathered, arsenals were loaded and battle cries could be heard all over my household.

Seeing my reaction to the news (I was crying uncontrollably) and going by my previous scans we decided to take another opinion, this was to be done on Saturday July 13^th. We consulted a renowned Radiologist in Bangalore, someone who hadn't done any of my previous scans to ensure impartiality. This was by far the best decision we took and the best scan I underwent.  He took us through each and every organ of the baby and measured it against the norms; all was indeed well, proved decisively and explicitly, a sigh of relief echoed through all our hearts and all our worries about IUGR were laid to rest.

Armed with the repeat scan results, we made our doc appointment on July 15^th , one look at the scan and I was declared all ok. It was then that my doctor disclosed that she would be travelling abroad and wouldn't be available to deliver the baby. Was all this drama orchestrated to complete my delivery before her travel? Was injecting me with steroids a week before the beginning of the drama? I wonder.

Lessons I learnt  the hard way :

Always, always, always trust your instincts no matter what

Silver lining:

My family, it felt like everyone was pregnant and everyone felt my pain. They really stood beside me and held my hand.

Third Trimester - The golden few weeks

The "fluid" drama, the treatment and the much desired break from work brought me to my parents abode, it was that time in my pregnancy when I finally let go and relaxed. It was also the time when I started gaining weight and my family organized my baby shower with much gusto.

What surprised me the most were the predictions of me having a boy child (not that it made a difference personally ) and as my husband pointed out there were hardly anyone cheering for a girl child. Interesting how education fails to change deeply rooted biases.

Anyway, this period of two months, May to June, was probably the golden period of my pregnancy, the 6 weeks where I recuperated and finally started enjoying the ride, probably I got too comfortable as my life came crashing down like a house of cards just shortly after, well, more on that later

Silver Lining :
All of it, the rest, the pampering, the relaxation was as good as it could get :) No complaints


 

Lets Uncomplicate ( say what ? ! )

Wow, been months since I posted and what a crazy time it has been but we will get back to that later, let's start where we last the last time.

So yes, after a lot many flip/ flops in personal and professional life, I was diagnosed with "Oligohydramnios" aka reduction in fluid level in the womb, the ultrasound couldn't work it's magic and hence the doc couldn't see my baby.

We rushed to my gynec who immediately started me on treatment, which included being hooked ( onto IV I mean ), each session would take close to 4-5 hours and I had to undergo 5 such sessions. It didn't help that the first session was administered on April 20th a night before my father's 60th birthday celebrations, I hadn't slept the night but people thought it was my "condition" that made me look tired ( there are some plus points after all, not everyone needs to know about your misery :P )

Life goes on, the treatment worked, fluid levels did increase and baby continued to grow normally ( yeah, this was debated later ). I had to start my maternity leave way ahead of planned time and was ordered strictly to refrain from physical and mental strain.

Lessons Learnt :
* There is no definite science behind fluid levels, it always helps to get a second opinion, in my case the ultrasound couldn't be performed which was a sure shot sign of trouble, but if you can see the baby and still are advised on fluid level get that second opinion and a repeat scan

Silver lining this time? Just that the treatment worked and we caught the problem before it could do much harm and though I had to take leave early, the break did good to me as I finally learnt to relax :)

I did dodge a bullet but who said that it would be the only one? More bombshells coming up, stay tuned :)

Why would such a thing happen to a healthy 28 year old

Being positive, eating healthy and taking ample rest are the three things that would ensure a safe pregnancy, take any one thing away and you might be in trouble.

Sometime during March/ April a lot many things happened in my life all at once, at home my father retired, my parents bid adieu and moved to Bangalore, this meant that my husband and I had to look for a different accommodation, settle down. Seems easy on paper but it was physical strain, imagine puking and moving houses together, not a pleasant picture and certainly not a pleasant experience.

So while on one hand, there was a new home to get used to, controlling nausea while cooking and cleaning, the other hand was another story altogether.

At office, due to various reasons we had to close shop and that meant letting go of many of my team members, who at that time were working day and night to make this project come true for our clients. Now imagine pouring all your energies into something and then being rewarded with a line - "Thanks for your services, you are the best but we don't want you anymore, see you bbye". It broke my heart to know that I would have to use that ungrateful line in a few weeks time, not exactly the best motivational pitch :( So, while I was managing the on-goings bravely behind the scenes I was trying my level best so see if anyone can be retained.

By the way it didn't help that even I had completed my tenure and had to look for new opportunities, though I had offers and projects to chose from no prospective senior would hire me just to let me go on long leave again :(

Not all was bad though, I did manage to find a project that would be keep me busy till I started my Maternity Leave, gave me hope that being pregnant doesn't make you a liability.

It was under these circumstances that I underwent the scan on April 20th, and all the stress in the preceding weeks had taken it's toll after all, fluid levels in the womb are controlled by Placenta, which works well with correct hormonal balance, the balance that went out of the window and ultimately resulted in the complication.

The biggest silver lining was the fact that, much before all this on Mar 24th I felt my baby kick :) and she was kicking even during those complicated times, reassuring me that even though world may have fallen apart on the outside, deep within life was just kick starting !

Next time will tell you how I uncomplicated my life ! Cheers everyone !

Second Trimester - Doc said " I am sorry, but, I can NOT see the baby"

Before I start retelling my story, I would really like to thank everyone who took some time out to read what I had to say, it's a definite confidence booster and an instant pick-me up! 

Now back to the story, I have been drafting this post for a while now and it has made me realize that the events of my 2nd Trimester can not be told in a single post, there is far too much to write about, hence this one is going to be a served in several courses :)

April 20th 2013 : Probably one of the longest days of my life and also the scariest, I had my 3rd Ultra Sound scan and the doctor said " I am sorry, but, I can NOT see the baby", all hell broke lose, you see the baby is surrounded by life protecting Amniotic Fluid, which is rich in proteins and acts as shock absorber for the baby, it also facilitates an Ultra Sound, if this fluid level comes low, a scan would yield nothing as it happened in my case but the main question was why would such a thing happen to a healthy 28 year old?

The answer to that question my friends is not that straightforward but it's loosely related to the point two of my previous post. I shall continue after a short break, hang in there, the next post would deal with the sequence of events leading to this bombshell and then what happened later. Got to go now, baby is crying.

  

T minus 9 months - The first Trimester

Motherhood, a life changing event that does just that, it changes you, your life, everything about you physically, mentally and emotionally.

December 2012 was when my pregnancy was confirmed, yeah!  The journey to welcome a tiny, ugly, stinky baby ( read Cute, Cuddly and Life's Miracle ) had begun. It obviously raised some basic questions, Is it safe to eat outside food, can I travel by Chennai's infamous share autos? What to expect?

First thing first, we decided to have the baby in Bangalore, in the comfort of known doctors and known hospitals, Dr. One even suggested a colleague to follow up with in Chennai.

So we were all set, or so it seemed, the first trimester is a rude wake-up call, if you ever question your ability to have the baby it's these three months, forget outside food, I couldn't even digest water, I was puking 17-18 times a day and sleeping like a hog ! Any little smell would trigger the puke cycle again and again.. Sadly I lost 4 kilos when I should have been gaining..Usually, the nausea and morning sickness ( misnomer it's all day sickness) resides by 3 month or 12th week, mine went on for more than 15 weeks!
I was a text book case on Pregnancy, any symptoms or side effects ( if I can call them that) which could come up for the week, did.

Not all is bad though, an Ultra Sound was the highlight of these months to see a 1.56 cm baby ( who looked like an Amoeba then) was truly a magical moment and suddenly I had courage, the ability to nurture this tiny little creature whose beating heart was and is a reminder that I made it :) 

First Trimester Lessons learnt  :

1.  Not all women develop nausea and not everyone has it as severe as me, how to beat the feeling is challenging, I had to resort to medication. ( Sadly whenever someone pointed out this fact, I felt like punching them is their faces. )

2. If you are a working woman as I am, you would need to take it easy a bit, body commands rest at this point, trust me your body isn't yours anymore, it belongs to the baby, who ensures that you sleep as much as possible so there is little chance of extra physical activity and even less of a miscarriage. Don't fight the feeling, go with it.

3. Yes, you have to avoid outside food ( for almost another year )

4. Zero in on your doctor and hospital ( We thought this was sealed deal but God had other plans)

I wish I could rush to the end, the story shall continue, when my baby sleeps next, till then take care and have fun!